Desk of Dust
by Elenhin
Summary: A comedy one shot based upon my fic the Not Yet Requested Copy. Aragorn's desk proves to be unpredictable.
1. Default Chapter

Author's note: This is a comedy one shot based on my story The Not Yet Requested Copy. One of my readers claimed we could write a tale on Aragorn's desk, and so I did that. It is however a comedy, and it is supposed to be silly to a certain extent.

Thanks again to Forever Faramir who have once again deciphered my miss spellings and turned them into comprehensible words. Quite a mean feat I tell you. You are the greatest Forever Faramir.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.

* * *

The Desk of Dust

Aragorn regarded the desk as one would an enemy, which he was fairly certain that the desk was. It definitely acted like an enemy. Whenever he left his office where the desk sat it drained the inkwell, and breed papers. There was enough paperwork involved with running a Kingdom without the need for a desk that was always spitting out more of the tedious documents.

At long last he had been able to convince his Steward of the desks enmity. It had taken some time to convince Faramir of the desks antics, but then again, who would believe a desk capable of such evil. One truly had to witness it with ones own eyes.

That was how Faramir had finally been convinced that his King was not crazy, and was in fact telling the truth.

Of course Faramir's reaction to it was not what Aragorn had expected. He had jumped to the task of figuring out how it was at all possible, and then Merry and Pippin had found out about it.

"So if ye put papers in the drawers and leave the room, you get more papers?" Pippin asked curiously.

Faramir nodded absently as he was studying the papers that he had just pulled from the drawer. He was trying to figure out if there was a pattern to it, or if it was entirely random.

"I think that the reason that the ink always runs out is that it somehow is used to making these new documents." He mumbled as the means of explanation to Aragorn. "How it duplicates the papers in themselves I have no idea of."

"I think that I need another desk." Aragorn said ruefully as he watched the two Hobbits run out of the room.

"But what if we can figure out how it works." Faramir pointed out. "We could put all of those tedious documents in it and it would take care of them for us."

Aragorn had to admit that it sounded rather tempting. "But until then it is only making more work for us." He complained with a nod to the papers Faramir held.

"That is a problem." Faramir admitted. "I had not thought about that."

"And what if we can never make it work the way we would want it to. Then all we shall ever have is more work." Aragorn went on. Faramir was beginning to look slightly subdued as he realised just what effect the plan might have.

That was when the two Hobbits came back. Both of them laden down with a heavy burden of food stuff. Merry dumped his share on the desk while Aragorn and Faramir watched in silent curiosity.

Having freed his hands Merry began to empty out the drawers of every single paper that was there.

"Uh, Merry, mind telling me what you are doing?" Aragorn asked eventually.

"If it makes more papers, it should make more food as well." Merry said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"Make sure to put some honey cakes in there as well." Faramir said as he watched the two Hobbits cram the drawers full.

"Who's side are you on?" Aragorn challenged him, thought more teasingly than not.

"If one side might make honey cakes, then it should be obvious." Faramir pointed out to him with all seriousness.

"Right," Aragorn nodded with a smile. "I forgot that there is nothing you won't do for a honey cake."

"So it was really a stupid question." Faramir stated with a grin.

"Well, that's well enough, but we can't put any honey cakes in it if you eat all of them." Pippin declared.

Faramir did his best to look innocent as he hid a half eaten honey cake behind his back.

"Come here Faramir, I think we need to put some distance between you and the honey cakes." Aragorn laughed as he took Faramir's arm and led him to the other side of the room. Faramir followed obediently as he still had the half eaten honey cake and one whole. His obsession with honey was well known by his friends, and they had quickly learned how fast anything containing honey disappeared in the presence of Faramir.

Most likely the Hobbits had brought the large supply of honey cakes knowing that by the time they could pack the food away in the desk, Faramir would have squirreled away a few of them, they usually charmed a supply away from the cooks whenever they were there begging for food, and always a few of those cakes wound up with Faramir.

Aragorn did not release his hold of the arm as Faramir was throwing longing glances in the direction of the rest of the food.

"If you should be fortunate enough that it actually breeds food as well, we need to get Faramir far away from here, or he shall have eaten all the honey cakes before the desk has the slightest chance to multiply them." Aragorn laughed as he tightened his grip on his errant Steward's arm. Faramir was trying to inch closer to the desk again.

"Right, get him away from here." Merry instructed Aragorn.

"You heard him Faramir, you are no longer permitted to be in here." Aragorn laughed, he reinforced his hold on Faramir's arm and pulled him towards the door. "Come along now, there is much work to be done at your desk as well. While those two tries to coax the desk into giving them food, we might be able to do some headway there."

Faramir followed reluctantly as the journey to his own office took him further and further from the honey cakes.

They sat down behind the desk in Faramir's study and began to try and put a dent in the mountain of paper work that was there.

After some time the Hobbits came and joined them.

"How long does it usually take." Merry asked the King as he considered Aragorn the expert on the subject.

"Normally all I have to do is go and discuss something with Faramir." Aragorn told him. "Let us give it an hour or two, that should be more than enough."

So Merry and Pippin wound up waiting for that time, while they amused themselves with trying to distract Aragorn and Faramir from actually getting any work at all done. As it turned out that Faramir was much better at ignoring them then Aragorn was.

"I have years of practice ignoring Boromir as he played the fool when I tried to get something done." Faramir explained. "He would sit telling horrible jokes, or trying to see what he could make into toys. Once he tried to build a tower out of everything that was on my desk. Another time he took down all the books from my shelves and made a labyrinth out of them." He shook his head sadly at the fond memory. "I've lost count of how many times I had to search all over the place to find my quill again after he had hidden it."

"Did you ever do something like that to him?" Pippin enquired. He had learnt about the more playful man who hat tried to rescue them while the Fellowship walked, and the pranks the two brother would have played on each other interested him.

"I did, as means of revenge." Faramir admitted. "I used to sneak into his chambers when he slept and hide away one of his boots. Then once I glued both of them to the floor." He chuckled at the memory. "I was really proud over that one, it took him an hour to get them free and he was cursing the whole time. I could hear him through the wall."

They were walking towards Aragorn's study again, and opened the door with great expectations. However, the surface of the desk was empty.

The two Hobbits hurried inside the room to peer into the drawers. ¨

"There is nothing more of it." Pippin stated with disappointment heavy in his voice.

"At least none of it has disappeared." Merry stated, trying to find one positive thing with it all.

"I am afraid that it does not work with food then." Aragorn tried to comfort them. "But we still have all this food, and we can still enjoy ourselves eating it."

They took all of the food out of the drawers and placed it on the desk instead. Merry broke apart a bread role to dole out equal shares of it.

"It is black inside." He exclaimed in surprise.

"Let me see." Aragorn reached for one of the pieces. It was indeed black on the inside. He reached across the desk to look into the inkwell.

"It is empty now, and I filled it up just before you came. All the ink must be in the food now." He declared shocked.

Merry and Pippin began looking through the food to see if they could find anything at all that had escaped the ink.

"It is all ruined." Aragorn stated ruefully. "I shall send for some new food from the kitchen." The Hobbits certainly would need some cheering up as the ruined food would be very depressing to them.

The odd thing was that Faramir had not yet complained about the ruined honey cakes. Aragorn looked at where his friend was seated. Faramir had black ink smudges around his mouth, and held a half ink blackened honey cake in his hand.

"Faramir, that thing is more ink than cake." He exclaimed.

This time Faramir was not able to look so innocent, he did however make an attempt and thus only looked partly guilty, even as he swallowed the rest of the honey cake.

"They still taste good." He claimed as he reached for another one.

"Faramir, it can not be healthy to eat ink." Aragorn pointed out.

"I'm not eating ink." Faramir defended himself as he reached for another of the inky honey cakes.

"The honey cakes are full of ink." Aragorn said tiredly. "Look, even Merry and Pippin have sense to leave it alone."

Both of them were eyeing the food longingly, but neither of them had been desperate enough to eat any of it.

"Faramir, stop it, you'll just give yourself a stomach ache." Aragorn was able to grab the plate with a quick move he had learnt as a Ranger. He passed it to Merry to keep it away from Faramir's reach as he did not trust Pippin not to smuggled it back to Faramir.

He then proceeded to take the one Faramir held in his hand. He seriously feared that the ink might be harmful, and by the look of the amount of honey cakes missing from the plate. Faramir would have had to ingested a rather large amount of it.

He managed to get everything but a few crumbs of the cake, it was near a full black colour because of the ink, and it left smudges on his fingers.

Only Faramir would be desperate enough for the honey that he did not care about the ink.

"It is not healthy." He repeated as Faramir swallowed the few crumbs he had managed to keep his hold of.

"It is honey." Faramir claimed.

"It is more ink than honey at the moment." Aragorn tried to convince him. He waved at Merry to remove the plate and was grateful as the Hobbit threw the honey cakes into the fire. Not even Faramir would brave the flames to get to them.

"I will send for some more food from the kitchen to pacify the Hobbits, I will make sure to ask for some honey cakes as well. Shall that satisfy you?"

"Honey cakes." Faramir brightened at the mentioning and Aragorn laughed. Even as impossible to understand as his desk was, there were still a few things that would never change, a few certain things that were all too predictable.

The Hobbits optimism and appetite, and Faramir's love for anything with honey in it.

The End

* * *

Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.

Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote

based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.

So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score.

When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.

Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.


	2. of the Desk

Author's note: This is a comedystory based on my story The Not Yet Requested Copy. One of my readers claimed we should write a tale on Aragorn's desk, and so I did that. It is however a comedy, and it is supposed to be silly to a certain extent.

Since the first chapter was so warmly greeted, we decided to continue this. There will be even more to come, but updates will not be regularly, it will be updated whenever we havesomething toupdate.

Thanks again to Forever Faramir who have once again deciphered my miss spellings and turned them into comprehensible words. Quite a mean feat I tell you. You are the greatest Forever Faramir.

Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Ring, I only borrow parts of it and shall return them as soon as I am done. Completely undamaged, as I am certain it will be impossible to see where we glued the pieces back together.

* * *

**_Desk of Dust_**

_chapter 2_

**_Of the Desk_**

The desk stood there as they were going on about their various ideas around it. To think that they thought it to be utterly soul less and inanimate.

The desk found that outrageous.

Or perhaps not exactly, for when everything was taken into account the desk was not capable of thought.

The desk was a desk, a mere chunk of wood shaped my hands into filling a purpose. It had been made by cunning hands to suit the noble, a desk fine enough for a King.

A beautifully crafted and well polished thing that even a King could feel proud of as it stood in his study. That was the purpose for which the desk had been crafted. That was the purpose for which the wood had been put under the magic of saw, hammer drill and knife. Shaped and fitted together into a most magnificent piece.

One that would stand for as long as the tree it was made of had stood. One that would see many generations seated behind it.

It was something of pride to be placed there, in the King's study.

It was a shame that a desk was not capable of such awareness and thus had no idea of this.

It was also a shame that there somewhere down the line a King had not taken a liking to the desk, and had ordered it to be taken away and placed somewhere else.

Instead that King had wanted a frilly piece of furniture that only survived two generations.

After that there had been no King, and the frilly desk had rotted with wormwood while the other one stood gathering dust in an old archive where it had been placed. It had been thought that it could be used by those who were in the archive and wanted to take notes of anything, but not many went there, and soon the desk was so covered in dust that not one could really tell the beautiful craftsmanship that was hidden beneath grey dust.

Then the King had come and the people had rejoiced.

The King had needed a desk, but had not wanted to spend recourses on something as trivial as a desk when the country was still recovering from a war. Instead he had decided to see what could be turned up of what was already available, but not in use.

In a corner of the old archive, under a surprisingly thick layer of dust he had found the desk.

Aragorn found a desk, and it was a beautiful one. He instantly took a liking to it and had it cleaned and polished and brought into his study.

There it stood, again, the pride of a King. Aragorn thought that it was one of the most beautifully crafted furniture that he had even seen made by the hands of man.

Yet the desk had still been covered in dust for generations and generations, and that is something that might affect even a desk

For when something is completely covered in dust, you can not tell what is hidden there beneath the dust, it could be anything at all. Just because it was a desk that was covered in dust does not mean that you will find a desk when you brush away the dust, for since you can not tell what it is beneath the dust it could be anything. This time it so happened that it was a desk that was uncovered.

However when the desk was uncovered it was still not over all the effects of the dust.

Therefore if someone were to place papers in the drawers, you would not necessarily find the same papers there when you opened the drawer. For when papers have been covered in dust you can not really tell what is written on them, it could be anything at all, but the desk had once been made with the purpose of containing papers, and so it made sure that it did.

By the same means ink was supposed to be used up, and so the ink was made used up, quite frequently actually. For the desk ever strove to fill its purpose.

However the desk was not really aware of those things, nor was the desk aware of the King and the Steward that could not understand how the ink could use itself up, nor how there could be more papers when one returned to the room, than there had been when one left.

The desk had managed to confuse both men, and it was a real pity that it was not aware of it, for if it had been, it would certainly have been amused by their bewildered faces, and the fact that it had managed to confuse two of the more intelligent men in the Kingdom.

What would come to effect the desk more was the two Halflings that were currently deep in thought. Trying to figure out how to best make use of the desk.

In short the desk had been emptied of papers and instead filled with food.

Now food is not something that is supposed to be in a desk, and thus the desk would not treat the food as it would have treated papers, but still, the ink was supposed to be used, and used it was.

There was really only one thing that was remotely familiar in the drawers now, something that very much reminded the desk of the beeswax candles that had so often been standing on its smooth surface of the desk. Beeswax candles with their faint smell of honey was something that the desk knew belonged there, and thus it concentrated the use of ink around this. Latching on to whatever was familiar.

Finally the strange food was taken away and the desk was given back the papers that it had sorely missed.

Regretfully lacking awareness the desk was not aware of what happened when two men and two Hobbits sat down to eat the food that had been in the desk, only to find it full of ink.

The honey cakes that had been unfortunate enough to resemble beeswax candles and was therefore black with ink. Furthermore were they made to resemble candles when they were thrown into the fire to burn, and they actually did contribute with a little light as they did so.

Had the desk been capable of awareness for its surroundings even once it would certainly have wanted it at that moment. If only to see how a certain Steward made a vain attempt at procuring the much beloved honey cakes from the fire as the others made to leave, and thus were no longer watching him.

For surely it would have been the most amusing thing for the desk to see how the Steward was driven on rout by the flames, and how he suppressed a yelp form having been burned, not wanting the others to turn at the sound and see him standing there, burnt fingers in his mouth and sadly eyeing the now by flames devoured honey cakes.

Or maybe, just maybe the desk was aware of what was occurring around it to some extent, for why else would it be the reason for so many of the absurd situations that would take place in the Kings study.

For when a thing have once been completely covered in dust, it could be anything at all beneath that thick layer of dust, and as a direct result, anything at all can also happen where it is concerned.

Something that the King and the Steward had yet to learn.

* * *

BlurredOasis: Thank you, it was wonderful to see that you enjoyed it so much. Ah, when are the Hobbits not hoping that something can be used to produce more food. I think that making food might be their main purpose in life.

Lilan: Yes, it would indeed take place when no one could be bothered to be serious. I had a lot of fun just writing this, and the connection between Faramir and honey is now firmly looked in my mind. I am very glad that you liked this. I am also not sure exactly where Faramir and the honey obsession came from, but there is a lot of it in the stories that Evendim writes. Again I will say that it meant a lot to me that you enjoyed it, and I hope that you were able to get many laughs out of this chapter to.

Kabuki733701: It is called the Desk of Dust because it came from the Kingdom of Dust, something that we invented in our story collection, 'The Not Yet Requested Copy.' In that one you'll find many notes about the Kingdome of Dust, this is merely a spin of from it. I am sorry for the grammar errors and the grammar errors. The trouble with being dyslexic, and I try to avoid them as much as possible. In the note furthest down we merely thought that Sean Bean and David Wenham was so good at acting like brothers, so we want them to be brothers for real. We thus want to vote them into being brothers the same way as their characters, Boromir and Faramir is.

Katieelessar: I am happy to know that you enjoyed it. It is thanks to pleas such as yours that we decided to continue, and even if it is not here, I will be writing more about Faramir and Boromir teasing each other.

Silver Sniper: Puh, I am really glad that you thought it worth it, I hope this was as well. There will be more to come at a later date as well. As for me, it would depend on how badly it was ink splattered whatever I would eat it or not, and how hungry I was. You do not have a favourite dish? We might have to see what we can do about that, if you want one I am sure that I can arrange it in some way.

Lindahoyland: It appears that you do not know how many things in real life acts like the desk until you write about it and see what people says. Glad you enjoyed it, and I can assure you that we have not planned for Faramir to get unwell from the ink, it is after all a nice desk that wants no harm to befall anyone.

Legolas's Girl 9: Ah, thank you, I am so glad that you think that. I hope that you liked this as well.

Susan W: I am sorry that it took time for me to write this, but I had to wait for a good idea. We rather thought that to much of the ink could be harmful, that was why Merry threw them into the fire, though it appears that maybe they should have watched Faramir closer, eh? I promise you that even if I do not know where I will write it, there will be more of Faramir and Boromir teasing each other, as well as all of the others teasing each others.

Duskshadow: What fun would it be if we solved all of it in one take… The Desk of Dust is just to much to just explain, it is easier to let you see how it works and thinks, and you see, we did not just abandoned it, we just took a tactical retreat to gather more ammunition.

Steelelf: We have written more, and there is even more to come after this, and yeah, Faramir is a little eager kid when it comes to honey cakes.

MexicanDevil-RoadCrew: It is great to write something crazy just because it is fun at times, is it not. We had so much fun writing this, and we thank you very much for the vote. We are now one step closer to making them brothers.

Faraboro: I hope that you liked how we continued on this, there will be even more to come as well. We are also very grateful for you vote, they will become brothers, and when they do, it appears that they shall have a father as well.

Eruviluieth: Oh, it is nice to know that you enjoy the Not Yet Requested Copy. This is a spin off though, so there might be more of Faramir being doubtfull in the original story, that depends on what happens. We would like to thank you for your vote as well.

Shy-Shadow Reckless:Faramir is adorable whatever he does, but it is a treat that really fits him, there seems to be a lot of desks like our desk out there for real. That is interesting to know.

Earendil Eldar: To know that you liked it was to know that we had done well, thank you. Hmm, there are indeed many desks like that, and they could be related to Aragorn's: have you checked your desks pedigree? You might find out if you do. Oh, yes, there are some very nice honey containing things in the world, I can understand why Faramir loves it so. I hope that you enjoyed the continuing of this as much as the original.

* * *

Here I would like to thank everyone who reads my works, thank you.

Here it must also be said that in the tale "A Two Colour Chain Mail," we started the vote

based on the fact that Sean Bean and David Wenham made the perfect image of two brothers. We also got plenty of agreement on that.

So here it is, if you agree with us and think that they should be real brothers. Say so in your review. It shall be your vote. On my authors page, in the bio I shall keep score.

When the score reaches 100, they shall be declared official brothers. Then on my authors page shall be an official declaration written by Elenhin and Celebrion.

Then the truth can not be denied, they shall be brothers.


End file.
